One week ago yesterday, I received a phone call from my mom that urged me to get on a plane and come home to be with my dad. His health has changed drastically and he seems to be digressing. Her voice was filled with sorrow and just needed someone to be close to her at this point. Dad was in the hospital and we didn't know what the next few days were going to hold...where is God in our sorrow? Why does He let bad things happen to good people? We let our minds pretend that since our family has failing health he must be absent...that could not be father from the truth.
A few months ago I began struggling with the question, "why do we pray?" God already knows what it going to happen. He knows how things are going to turn out. We have free will, but he knows what direction we are going to go. He knows what's going to happen to my dad...so why do I bother praying to a God who already knows? I am still spending time wrapping my mind around this very thought...but was brought some answers that have relieved my questioning soul. We have relationship with Christ. We are able to meet Him no matter where we are. We are able to seek Him in the darkness and in the light. By me going to Him and breaking down and asking Him for help, I am building our relationship. I am being vulnerable. It is the same as when we ran to our moms when we were small children. We expect that she is going to make my cut knee all better. She isn't. But being in her presence seems to make it all better. In the same way, we run to Christ and he offers hope. He may not make my dad better...but he is still good. I offer Him my struggles and I ask for His hand of protection in my dad's life. I pray for a miracle, but when I grasp that it may not happen, I am filled with more hope.
"I spend my life to know, and I'm far from close to all you are...the greatness of our God.
Give me grace to see beyond this moment here. To believe there is nothing left to fear. And that you alone are high above it all. For you my God are greater still."